


darling I'm here.

by wishusaway



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eliott is a tiny bit ooc, fuck lucas' dad, let me enjoy: This please and thank u <3, look i'm procrastinating doing work and my school is getting shut down, lucas is hurting :(, mentions of unaware injuring, papa lallemant - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23393326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishusaway/pseuds/wishusaway
Summary: Based off of real life events with canon injuries kinda.Enjoy.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	darling I'm here.

“ You don’t have to speak

Don’t need to talk to me,

Baby I already know. 

The shadow’s in your head

They’ve got you down again,

Got you feeling low. 

But it’s time to rest now, 

let it all melt now, 

wipe your tears. 

The sun’s already set now. 

Won’t you go to sleep now? 

I’ll see you in your dreams. 

Cause I’m right here, 

Darling I’m right here. 

Close your pretty eyes, 

my butterfly. 

Baby, have no fears. 

The future’s looking bleak

Your will to live is weak, 

but honey, 

hold on for me. 

I know that you’re an angel. 

But it’s not your time to fly now. 

We need you here, on earth. 

Stay right here. 

I’ll stay here with you, my dear. 

Look up to the sky angel, 

I am still alive, 

because you want me to be. ”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a passing comment of his childhood. Something that wouldn’t stick out, or jump at you if you had to look back on the conversations from those times. It was just there. A meek grey sludge of cloudy words stuck to the walls of Lucas’ mind. It wasn’t leaving. And Lucas hated it.

He hated the feeling of insecurity bubble up from where it was slammed shut in the damp, dark, cellar of his mind. He hated that he couldn’t justify what he was feeling, other than his own self-doubt. Maybe it wasn’t just the words uttered mindlessly, maybe it were the words harshly imprinted to his amygdala from the moment his dad left him by himself in a dark room with no lights, no windows, no escape, whenever he would get mad at Lucas for tracking mud into the tiled flooring or when he would stick up for his struggling mother. 

Growing into an anxiety-ridden teen never helped when it came to relationships, friendships, bonds, the sorts. It’s why he’s stuck with the same lot of friends for the years he has, and how he despises change without two days in advance. Maybe Eliott was right in saying what he did when they argued. He didn’t even notice the recollection of self-doubt and insecurity leaking out of the barrels in that cellar. Neither did Lucas.

**_Thursday 19th March 2020 // 22:29_ **

A long fucking day.

That’s what today was, is.

Missing the bus, running in stupid rain, getting splashed by annoying twelve-year-olds' who just  _ had _ to speed past Lucas, who was aware of the puddle next to him but thought  _ surely fucking not, I swear to fucking god- _ the kids sped through the puddle and further drenched Lucas to the bone. 

When he arrived at Yann’s, he was about to snap. Thankfully though, Yann had a spare set of clothes that did hang too loosely, but they were dry and they were  _ warm _ so he couldn't really complain. 

He had taken a beer, and had just sat down on the sofa before his phone pinged in alert. Lucas groaned, running a hand down his face, and reluctantly moved his still cold limbs to reach his phone. However, once he had seen the three texts, all from different people, he went rigid.

**Papa 21:19**

Lucas, your mother had another major episode. She was needed   
back in observed care for another month. I know you had plans to   
introduce her to your friend, Leo, but you cannot see her yet. You   
saying you’re gay stressed her out too much Lucas. Be mindful. 

**Mama** **21:20** **  
**My son, you are wonderfully created in God’s image. I can sense  
unrest coming for you. You will suffer, turn to Him to get answers.

**Eli <3 21:21**

Lu! I am: out of this mf bitch!! I am so so so so close to ditching   
a cassette to someone’s head! Be at Yann’s soon, my love :>

A range of emotions ran through Lucas’ mind, ranging from guilt, anger, adoration. The works. He replied to Eliott’s message by telling him to hurry up, and was met with many kisses sent back. A small slither of that guilt and anger resigned back into the cellar door. He was fine for now.

A knock on Yann’s door drew him from his sludge coated mind.

“Lucas! Your boyfriend is about to-” Yann called, getting shut off by a moving pile of mass blitzing past him.

Lucas was enveloped in a soft warm hug, the cocoon of safety wrapping its arms around them both, and they stayed there for a few minutes. Just to soak up each other’s presence. That was all.

“These aren’t your clothes.” Eliott suddenly said, the cold sharp edges of something unnerving poking through their sense of safety. Lucas hated it.

“Mine were saturated, and Yann’s is closer for the both of us, so I asked to borrow some. Is that okay with you, you grump?” He asked, softly as to not allude to any changes in the atmosphere that he could’ve made up.

“Hm.” Well fuck, that wasn’t good.

They wasted time playing video games, drinking beers, eating pizza, getting high, and all too soon Yann kicked them out. 

“Go home! Heathens, the both of you! Out, out, out!” And locked the door behind them.

Twenty minutes later, they arrived at their flat. Eliott was still acting a little weird. Lucas decided to speak up on it.

“Hey, El, are you okay? Cause you’ve been a little off, and not like in the big B sense! But just in general. Like is it something that happened at Yann’s or work?” He nervously spoke. Eliott halted in his movements and seemed to contemplate his words.

“I’m bothered that you’re wearing Yann’s clothes. I don’t know. I just get weird about that stuff.” He had said. Lucas, he didn’t know how to respond.

“Eliott, baby, you know nothing ever happened and nothing is ever going to happen between me and my best friend though? We’ve been through this.” He said, coming out a little snarkier than he intended. Eliott didn’t seem to notice though.

“Yeah, well it just makes me feel weird that’s all. And didn’t you used to have a thing for him?” He said.

Lucas’ mouth remained open, and he walked out of their living room and into the bathroom.

**22:29** .

“Yeah we all know how much that worked out for you, no?!” They were arguing. For the first time in a year. They were arguing.

“Eliott, do not bring that shit up again. Okay, I get it was a dick thing to do but it’s in the past for a reason!” Lucas yelled.

“Lucielle was right.”

Silence.

Eerie silence.

Finally, a broken noise came from Lucas. 

“...what?” 

“She said you were a fucking handful, always complaining, always whining. Fuck, why did I  _ choose you _ of all people, how could I not fucking see it?.” He venomously spat, forcing a chuckle.

Lucas had tears silently rolling down his face. 

“See what?” He asked, silence.

“See fucking what Eliott?!” A deep breath, the barrel lids sliding open, the cellar filing with emotions locked away, years worth.

“You come with baggage Lucas, or more so, get over your fucking daddy issues.” 

The silence stabbed Lucas. You could probably hear his heart snap.

“Fuck you Eliott.” 

Eliott looked as if he was slapped.

“Fuck you so fucking much.”

He picked up his phone, and left the fucking building in tears.

\------

**_Tuesday 24th March 2020 // 04:09_ **

Lucas couldn’t sleep.

Night three.

Not because Manon’s couch wasn’t uncomfortable, but because his mind was. He needed to escape his mind. The sludge was blocking out everything but the hurt and the cellar door was about to burst open. He needed to escape his fucking mind.

He checked his phone for the seventh time that night.

**38 missed calls from: Eliott <3**

**47 unread text messages from: Eliott <3, Yann :>, Mama, and Le Gang.**

Lucas couldn’t see. His eyes stung and blurred with tears.

He needed to escape his mind. He was trapped. He was trapped. He was trapped in that fucking dark room with no escape again, he needed to leave. Become numb, do good. Get out. Get out, get out, get out getougetoutgetougeotuegouet.

Lucas had left the apartment and was walking in the chilly night air. His shoes haphazardly placed on his feet, wearing just a t-shirt and joggers. He wasn’t even sure he was awake right now.

A buzzing vibration disrupted his nothingness. 

**_Incoming call from: Manny :3_ **

He answered.

“Lucas! Where are you? I woke up to a door fucking slamming and you gone. You’re safe right? You’re okay?” She frantically asked.

“I’m fine, needed to get out.” And then he ended the call.

He kept walking down a path, it was empty. He didn’t know where he was. He knew where his mind was. But where  _ he _ was, it seemed less city and more foothills and brushing the outskirts of the countryside.

He checked the time.

**07:46**

Oh, three hours of his life he spent running or walking but he somehow got here. 

His mind was fighting to keep the cellar door shut tight, but the bolts were becoming loose, and the wood was beginning to wear down. 

He reached an open field of lilies. He sat. His mind reeled to try and keep it at bay. It was collapsing in on itself. Lucas didn’t know what would happen if it were to break. Would he manage or would he too collapse on himself into the ground. He hated his mind for hoping for the second.

He sat, tilted his head back and stared up at the sky. Admiring. Lost in his mind.

_ Lucas had been playing outside. It wasn’t raining and both parents agreed to him going out and hanging with Yann. After they had returned, and Yann was on his way, Lucas had forgotten to take his slightly grassy boots off in the tiled foyer. His dad was right there. _

_ “Lucas! Look at this fucking mess you’ve made!” He had screamed, although if you looked closed, his father had made the room equally as dirty, if not more, and promptly latched onto Lucas’ upper arm, and dragged him to the small space he had grown accustomed to over his life.  _

_ “Why did i fucking choose to keep you is beside me, you are such a waste of my money, time, and effort. You’ll never find someone who will love you, Lucas. Us Lallemant men are alone for a reason. Who knows, maybe the next time you’re in here, I might ‘accidentally’ forget where the keys were. Wouldn’t that be a shame?” He snarkily spat into Lucas’ ear. Every. Single. Time. He was placed in that room. _

_ It instilled a sense of fear and submission to his father. _

_ He thought his mother was struggling, _

_ He suggested that she got help. _

_ His dad had locked him in the room, making him write pages of notes, reiterating the words etched into his brain. _

_ “I am not worthy of love. I am whiny. I should be lucky to have someone who cares for me like my dad. I am not worth being chosen for happiness. I am not worth someone's time. I am not worth being chosen by anyone. I am alone. Forever.” _

_ Twenty pages. In a week. _

_ He spent a week in that room, with minimal food and water, short bath breaks. He was terrified. _

_ Lucas shoved that week into the deep crevices of his mind. _

_ Locked in a barrel, in the dark cellar. Like he was. _

The first thing he noticed was the pain erupting in his right hand. The second, the small cobblestone fence he was leaning against was now bloodied. But Lucas wasn’t crying. He couldn’t move his fingers. It was now roughly midday.

He checked his phone.

**52 missed calls from: Eliott <3**

**94 unread text messages from: Eliott <3, Yann :>, Mama, Le Gang, and Mika :***

**14:29**

He didn’t know where he was.

Lucas looked at his hand, his mind feeling foggy and closed off from the outside world.

“Excuse me?” He heard, maybe.

“Sir, are you okay?” A mother asked. He turned to look at her, clearing his throat.

“Do, do you know where um, where this is?” She looked relieved that he could talk, and that he was somewhat okay.

“Yes! This is-” Lucas had drowned her out.

“Is that all, sir?” She asked, hesitant as if she didn’t want him to be left alone.

“Yes, thank you.” And she left.

Lucas was alone again.

He was three hours away from his home. Cashless, with a phone that’s about to die.

Would  _ he _ die?

He would. 

Someone would come and snatch him from where he was sitting, he would be taken away from his family and friends and-

He needed to call someone.

He couldn’t breathe. The cellar door minutes away from bursting open. He wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t trust himself alone.

He distantly hears his phone dialing a number.

“Lu? Baby? Lucas?!” Eliott. A sense of comfort and hatred washed over him.

“I, I, I don’t know where I am. I can’t be alone right now. I don’t trust myself alone anymore. I can’t remember things, and I’m scared when this fucking cellar door opens I’m going, going to go down with it. I don’t know what the  _ fuck _ ot do.” He was in hysterics. Eliott was saying something about tracking his phone and ‘Lucas holy shit! How are you that far away from here?’

Lucas was trying to breathe. He was trying to keep his mind under control. But fuck, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t help his mother in getting help quicker, he couldn’t help his friends with their issues, he couldn’t help his boyfriend overcome his highs and lows without fucking something up. He was never the first choice. Ever.

Lucas’ phone had died an hour after he called Eliott.

He closed his eyes, until the words floated out from the cellar door and into the sludge filled mind.

“You are never someone’s first choice. You are not worthy of being a choice. People will regret choosing you, Lucas. It’s a Lallemant thing.”

And suddenly, the cellar doors broke.

But arms wrapped around his middle, it was Eliott.

He hoped.

He couldn’t tell anything other than he was screaming and shouting and crying and cursing and kicking his legs and trying to get out of Eliott’s grip.

“Lu?,” Eliott asked amidst all this commotion, “Hey, Lu. Darling I’m right here. You’re okay. You’re here. I’m here. You’ve hurt your hand, but that’s fixable. You running forward over the edge of this hill and down the cliff-face is not fixable. You are here. And safe. With me.”

Lucas couldn’t really hear him.

He was still screaming and crying and cursing. “Fuck these fucking first choice bullshit!” Had caught Eliotts' attention.

“Fuck you  _ dad _ for making me think I was never fucking enough for fucking anyone!” And suddenly. Eliotts' mind clicked.

He had fucked up majorly.

“It’s not I fucking asked to be fucking _chosen_ by anyone! SO why the _fuck_ does it fucking matter?!” His poor baby. His hurting little Lucas.

He had to fix this.

A good forty minutes passed and Lucas went limp in Eliotts' arms. Still awake, but gone at the same time.

Eliott carried him to his car, and carefully placed him in the passenger seat, ensuring he was safely secured before getting in the car and heading home. 

\-----

**_Monday 30th March 2020 // 22:48_ **

It had been six days since Lucas’ emotional breakdown.

He had broken three of his fingers, and had caused damage to his wrist.

Lucas slept for two days straight when he got back to their apartment.

Eliott felt helpless and guilty. They had talked, kind of. Just to make amends until they could set things right. Eliott explained simply that Lucielle was back in town and thought they could just get back together. He was angry before getting to Yann’s and knew that it was no excuse. But they agreed to talk things out more often.

On the previous Friday, Lucas had sat up in bed, said nothing and looked empty. Eliott hated that look. He knew it too well. So he tried his best to be there, but not too overbearing.

After a shower, Lucas had shifted to the kitchen and made two tea’s.

Eliott raised a brow at the sudden gesture. Lucas said nothing, just grabbed a fluffy blanket and curled up in a burrito on the sofa.

“We need to talk.” He said croakily, Eliott slightly winced at the noise, but nodded and made his own way to the opposite end.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, and I, I guess you could say this happens sometimes. Not like, not as often for you to really notice, but you know how I get, get quiet and tired a lot?” Lucas had asked, leaving no room for Eliott to object his apology, after all it is his fault. But Eliott nodded in response to his question.

“I was prescribed some fucking medicine when it first got really bad, maybe um, maybe six years ago? But I gave up on them. Maybe that was a bad idea.” He said, a small upturn of his lips to accompany it.

“Maybe, but Lu, I’m sorry. It is entirely my fault, and I didn’t understand the severity of your childhood. I’m really sorry, and I know that doesn’t excuse the fucking jealousy but I can promise you I will never, never let what happened, happen again okay? I can try my hardest, and we can talk more and-” Eliott rambled, fiddling with his fingers.

He was cut off by a soft pair of lips against his.

“Eliott, shut up.”

And kissed him again and again and again,

Until their teas went cold.

They would be okay, 

They just needed to talk.

And talk they will.


End file.
